Merlin's Remote
by RicardianScholar Clark-Weasley
Summary: sequel to Merlin's Harry Potter Experience. Merlin somehow found a Sky HD box and now everyone is fighting over what they want to watch


**Author's Note: sequel to Merlin's Harry Potter Experience and Prequel to Merlin's Carrier. Inspired by the Sky HD advert with Merlin and dying Arthur...oh and it's my 200****th**** fanfic so please, please, please review. **

"Where the bloody hell is he?"

Arthur stormed up towards the stairs towards Gaius' rooms, Gwaine and Lancelot were following him looking vaguely worried – Merlin has been missing for about four days now.

"Perhaps he is ill sire," Lancelot said in an attempt to calm Arthur down, "and Gaius did not mention it because it is merely the flu."

Or perhaps Merlin had to go on another saving Arthur mission or magic mission and hoped Lancelot or Gaius would cover for him. If that was the case then he was going to suffer an intervention about the amount of time he spends in the Tavern...not even _Gwaine_ drank that much and _that_ was saying something.

"Or perhaps he's dead," Gwaine said cheerfully.

Lancelot stared at him horrified and Arthur gave him the _Are You Really That Stupid?_ Look that he always gave Merlin. They rushed up the last few steps and Arthur banged his fist against the door. "Merlin, you stupid idiot get out and polish my armour!" he hissed. "I'm warning you _Mer_lin, you're just this close to being put in the stock and I will hand out potatoes for the locals to throw at you."

"Hey! Don't you dare threaten him like that!" Gwaine shouted indignantly.

"Shut up Gwaine," Arthur snapped. "I'm giving you to three Merlin and then I'm breaking this door down...one...two...THREE!"

Lancelot winced as both Arthur and Gwaine (who, when asked later, claimed he only did it for the fun of it) threw their body weight against the heavy wooden door smashing it open with a loud bang. The three of them stood there staring at the giant thing gobsmacked, it was different, foreign, alien, and magnificent, it was probably something magic, it was...

"_Mer_lin, what the hell is that?" Arthur asked.

Merlin grinned, "It's called Sky HD."

Five hours later Gaius will come back to find his front door broken and four boys lounging on his bed watching that god awful Sky thing. When he made some noise over his poor broken door all he got in reply was "Shh Gaius! The Doctor is just about to be reunited with his Rose!"

A sense of dread began to fill Gaius' stomach.

This was not good.

MMMMMMMMMMMMM

It had been three weeks since Arthur, Lancelot, and Gwaine had learned of the Sky HD box. Since then Leon, Elyan, and Percival had joined them with occasionally Agravaine as they watched a variety of things from the football, to a makeover show, to a show about magic, to movies from all genres. They cried while watching Titanic ("you're such a girl _Mer_lin." "You can talk _Prat_.") Clutched to one another while watching horror films ("A girl, _Mer_lin, that's what you are, a _girl_" "Oh just _die_"), and leaned forward in anticipation only to be disappointed when Eastenders or Coronation Street ended on a cliff-hanger.

During this time Gaius decided to live with Gwen where he wouldn't be affected by all those interesting documentaries that the boys might...very rarely...barely ever...watch.

It went really well as they enjoyed each new thing together.

But of course all good things must come to an end.

"I am the Prince of all of Camelot, therefore I choose what we get to watch and we're not watching this pile of dung!"

"Friends is not dung!" Gwaine shouted looking horrified. "I want to know more about that Chandler dude who reminds me a bit of Merlin doing that Monica chick who strangely enough reminds me of Morgana."

"Oh please, like Merlin will ever have sex in his pathetic life," Arthur scoffed. "It's unrealistic for starters how could Merlin ever get a Morgana? And they're all so pathetic and idiotic, I mean come on Rachel and Ross? Again, and again, and again, it's so boring!"

"I have you know that I had lots of sex!" Merlin said indignantly.

"I assume this is a Morgana who isn't evil you're talking about?" Leon asked.

They were both ignored.

"We're not watching Friends!" Percival agreed with Arthur. "We're going to watch the football instead."

Leon, Lancelot, Elyan cheered. "No we are not!" Merlin shouted. "The new series of Doctor Who is starting and I want to know if they find Melody before she becomes River!"

"Oh for god sake Merlin, stop being such a geek. You're no better than that Gordy guy on Sabrina the Teenage Witch," Arthur snapped, "we're not watching Friends, we're not watching men in tiny shorts kicking a ball around, and we're not watching Matt Smith's arse (don't try to deny it Merlin we all saw you goggling at it). What we are going to watch is sparkly vampires!"

Everyone groaned.

"Arthur we watched it five times last night alone!" Merlin complained.

"And that was just the first film," Percival muttered darkly.

He was a very patient and tolerant guy but even he felt his teeth go on edge at that Patterson and Stewart people's terrible acting. He hoped when he found his lady he would never fall for someone so...weak...needy...and annoying as this Bella Swan. He also hoped he wasn't expected to be so dishonest and neglectful in a relationship.

Arthur for some reason loved it. Thought it was the most epic romance ever and was the perfect parallel to his relationship with Gwen. Percival honestly thought that Arthur just took one hit too many to the head and finally cracked.

"Bella is so annoying," Gwaine complained, "if we have to watch vampires can't we watch Vampire Diaries? At least then the heroine would be a kickass independent woman and the vampires would actually kill something."

"We're watching the football and that's final!" Lancelot snapped. "We all like it and even if it's a terrible game it'll still be better than sparkly vampires!"

"How dare you!" Arthur shouted looking for his sword to stab Lancelot with but couldn't find it anywhere so settled with kicking him instead. "It's one of the best romances ever written!"

"I thought Merlin's Jane Austen things were more interesting than that and they barely touched each other," Gwaine said. "And we're watching Friends not the football."

"Sparkly Vampires"

"Friends!"

"Football! It's four against two!"

"Hang on!" Merlin half screamed, half yelled causing everyone to jump. "I have the remote and it is my Sky Box so therefore I get to choose what we're watching."

There was a moment of silence.

"Get him," Leon said in a deadly quiet voice.

Merlin let out a very girly scream has five knights and a prince charged at him. He dodge round the table and managed to avoid all of them. Percival knocked his head against the lower ceiling, Elyan tripped over the bench, Leon, Lancelot and Gwaine sort of collided against each other and ended up in a tangle on the bed, and Arthur was struggling to avoid all of them while chasing Merlin.

Merlin laughed gleefully and thought of all the Doctor Who he'd be able to watch, and then maybe some Charmed, and then a Harry Potter movie-

Completely lost in his own thoughts about TV Merlin somehow managed to trip over his own trouser bottoms, pulled them down his legs as he fell to the floor and suddenly had Arthur launch himself on top of him. "YOU WILL GIVE ME THAT REMOTE!" Arthur roared as he wrestled Merlin.

It was then when Agravaine decided to come in to watch the football match.

He stared at Arthur and Merlin wrestling half-naked on the floor and wondered briefly if they were re-enacting that Torchwood scene with Jack and Ianto before deciding for his own sanity sake he'll just spend the night at Morgana's.

Arthur and Merlin were pulling at something between their crotches...yes a night with Morgana and her breasts were desperately needed.

As Agravaine left Gwen entered the room. She saw the half unconscious knights and the wrestling Merlin and Arthur and decided to take action. She picked up the Sky Box and threw it out of the window.

"NO!" all of the boys cried out in horror.

Gwen shot them a dark deadly glare that shut them up quickly. "Gaius has practically moved in with me, he snores worse than Arthur, brews the most disgusting smelling things, and have you seen him clip his toe nails?"

Merlin shuddered in disgust while the others looked sickened at the idea.

"But sparkly vampires," Arthur whimpered.


End file.
